Seven Steps to Dealing with Toxic Emotions

All thoughts and uttered or written words are prayer, especially for one with a powerfully creative mind. I have watched myself create ‘coincidences’ much too often, much too obvious, not to notice.

I have been wondering about the best, most effective way to pray consciously. Whether I can control my thoughts or not, it is arguable; but I can certainly choose which quality of thoughts I strengthen and nourish, and which I let go of – where to focus my attention, and where to tune out. My marriage has been my learning ground, and my husband’s mental presence has made this challenge demanding, but also rewarding, because he is so easy to influence, that I can test my thoughts with him with immediate response.

Emotions add a profound dimension to thoughts, because they fuel and motivate the mind, when the mind is unconscious, to either repress, or to project, or, actually, both. Primal emotions are pure energy designed to fuel one’s actions towards self-preservation; they are our instinctual, pre-rational impulse we share with animals in our survival, and, seen as information, they inform the system with needs that haven’t been met, from basic safety to more sophisticated needs such as intimate connection, consideration, freedom of expression etc.

Emotional expressions can be powerful, and decisive in whose energy will dictate the atmosphere in a room. In one instance, a spiritually advanced Master walks among the crowd, in perfect silence, and everyone around them starts to laugh, swept away by an invisible wave of joy. In another instance, a charismatic failed painter turned politician, engages in emotionally expressive public speaking that persuade the masses to follow his mind, willingly participating in the largest mass murder crimes known in humanity’s history.

So what is it that makes one’s mind lead? What are the hidden factors that cause a group of people to be infected by a murderous mind rather than a joyful and compassionate one? If Hitler and the Dalai Lama were together in a room, whose mind would lead, and why? The science of memetics proposes looking at human thought as a highly transmittable virus that follows none other but its own selfish interest. The question is, why do some get contaminated easier than others? Are some individuals more susceptible than others? Are some more powerful transmitters than others?

That my mind is powerful, I have no doubt: it’s even been proven by technology: I had three Focusing sessions with Cielle, a talented, empathetic shaman healer from the U.S. The sessions were conducted over skype, computer to computer, and we could see and hear each other.

Whenever we chatted, sound was clear. As soon as I was silently focusing, a noise started which lasted until I was done focusing, and we resumed our chatting.

Throughout the years I have noticed bad things happen to people who did things to me that I had found harmful: two bosses who fired me, ended up getting fired as well – the list goes on, but I’d rather focus now, and speak about the good things.

Every since returning from the Stillpoint House of Prayer in January, where sister Betty suggested I bless my husband as well as myself, I have been blessing, and praying for blessings, for myself and others, every day.

I noticed that every time I bless my husband, which I usually do silently or whispered, and in a different room from where he is, he yawns and sighs out loud, like people do when releasing tension and becoming calm. At first I thought that maybe it is a coincidence – but this is too consistent an occurrence to be. Just last night he was downstairs, in the basement, at the computer, and although I don’t know with certainlty what he was doing, I could feel the energy of anger, hate and conflict arising throughout the housoe from the basement. At first, I was unconsciously drawn to it, and projecting it back at him, mentally entertaining thoughts such as “I hate him! He’s a hate monger, and I bet he’s bitching against this and that group of people again on Facebook, poisoning the atmosphere in the house and in the world!”

I had entered a trance similar in vibration to the one he was in – and when I woke up from the trance, and I sat on a chair in the living room, praying. I put my hands together in front of my heart, and prayerd: “Dear God, please bless my husband with your Infinite, Eternal kindness, wisdom and power, peace and joy! Please bless him with awakening; bless his soul, heart and body. Bless him, bless Him.”

I wasn’t even done praying when I heard a big yawn with a sigh coming from downstairs, and then he came upstairs, went to bed, yawned some more, and slept.

I continued to go in and out of the trance, between the feelings of anger and hate, wanting to pick up a fight with my husband, and awakening through self-inquiry: “What is the wise, kind and empowering thing to do?”

I am very careful not to repress emotions, and I am still learning, and I am very much curious to learn the optimal way to be and act as emotions arise. I am a sensitive, emotional empath, keenly aware of emotions around me, and I cannot easily tell my emotions from the emotions of others, but I am committed to own my own experiences, regardless of the trigger, and own my emotions, and not project them on others. It takes wisdom, kindness, awareness and discipline to own emotions, express them in a healthy way, and neither project them, nor repress them, and it takes practice.

I have learned how to bless when I have the urge to curse. To have a genuine relationship, with communion, I would use the emotions as information about my needs, and I would state my request, as Marshall B. Rosenberg teaches in his book and programs of nonviolent communication. But hubby is a self-absorbed narcissist, and twelve years of experience have taught me that placing such requests with him is useless, because he doesn’t care enough to respond. So I am looking at ways to provide for meeting my own needs, which needs are indicated to me by the emotions.

A mind that is powerful leads; so does the loudest emotional expression: the most emotionally expressive individual  leads and dictates the atmosphere in the house or room. Here I have a disadvantage: when hubby expresses his hate or anger out loud, I find it difficult to connect with joy and to express joy louder than his hate.

But I have a significant compensating advantage: I have the blessing of a conscious mind – and it’s the conscious awareness that leads, because a blessing is to curses what light is to darkness, and there is not enough darkness in the world that cannot be dissipated by the light of one single candle.

So, what I have learned so far for optimal living when dealing with toxic emotions, is:

1.     1 -   Be aware, stay conscious and present!

I can read energy kinesthetically, feeling them inside and outside my body. In my private therapy practice, I have noticed that when a person is disconnected from their body and emotions, the unprocessed emotions feel like a cloud of stuffy, nauseating energy surrounding the person. When that happens, I use verbal cues to guide the person to connect with the emotion, and process it, and when they do, the integration process feels as if they ‘vacuumed cleaned’ the emotion inside their body. The process if accompanied by a shift and a release of tension in the space between us.

Emotions per se are not toxic; only when shoved away in the shadows of the unconscious mind, they become toxic, like stagnant water that stinks. It is only in an unconscious state that this toxicity becomes contagious, and when two or more individuals unconsciously project emotions on each other, it escalates from fight to battle to war.

2.       2 - Bless, pray, maintain a positive vision of goals

Being with what is gets you enlightened, like Siddharta Gautama; being with what could be, makes you an inventor and conscious creator of reality. If all the individuals whose legs hurt from climbing endless flights of stairs would have meditated on their pain and did nothing else, we wouldn’t have elevators today. People who live in the future have invented – first mentally, then physically – cars, airplanes, personal computers, smartphones and all the goodies that your great- grandmother would not believe you are playing with.

The truth is, when someone is dumping their emotional garbage on you, it sucks. I feels awful, but those are feelings, and not thoughts. You can feel tired, anxious or sad, but you can still decide to bless, pray, and envision a better future.

3.      3 -  Stay present with negative emotions, as they are arising; and briefly express them, bringing them to their peak, using your voice, breath and body movement.

Ask yourself, what do I feel, and were? Do not suppress or repress emotions, because the last thing you want is that energy to stay trapped, recorded in the memory of your cells. If due to circumstances you can’t express your emotions physically in the moment, silently tell yourself: “I’ll deal with this later.” When you have a moment to yourself, preferably the same day as the occurrence, sit quietly, and recall the events that triggered you. “What went on?” ask yourself; and, “How do I feel about it?”

4.     4 -  Relate with the other whenever possible using the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) formula

The formula is: Relate the facts; identify your feeling about the facts, taking ownership for the feelings; identify the unmet need, as pointed to by the feelings; state a clear request for specific action.

5.       5 -Uncover the authentic emotion through the 3-2-1 Shadow Integration Process; own your emotion

Authentic emotions, when repressed, are projected upon a “you”, so they appear in second person, and then, with further distancing from the subject, “I”, they become an object “it”. For example, when you decided that anger is bad, and repressed it, you disconnected from it: “I am not angry!”; then projected it on a ‘you’: “When I look at you, I can see how angry you are! You are so angry!” (but not me, I am not like that); then you objectify it: “Look! There are so many angry people over there!” The Shadow integration process, beautifully described in the book “Integral Life Practice”, consists of three easy, 3-2-1 steps: Face it; Talk to it; Become it.

6.   6 -    Spend more time in resourceful, positive mental and emotional states which allow for the visions of goals and dreams fulfilled.

The more time you spend in certain states of consciousness, the faster they become permanent traits, says Ken Wilber, author of “Integral Vision”. If you are tired and feeling low at work, then cultivate joyful states after hours; if the home environment drags you down, then find a corner of the house that only you access, and turn it into your refuge and sanctuary, and spend all the time possible in it meditating, contemplating, dancing, reading, painting, writing, gardening – in other words, cultivating positive, resourceful states.

7.   7 -     Focus on the inner vision of the Best Positive Outcome!

It is so easy to focus on what’s wrong: just follow the crowds! It is especially difficult when the problem is in your face, when you live with it, or spend nine hours each day at the office with it. Your challenge and savior is a conscious, sustained focus on your goal, and on your experience of reaching it. Feel the relief now; your sustained goal-orientation will take you to fulfillment.

Bonus: The Yehudit Partosh factor:

Yehudit Partosh was an old owl, a yoga teacher and group leader who led her workshops and sessions out of her tiny Tel Aviv apartment on Ben Yehuda street. She spoke with a heavy Hungarian accent, and was happily married to her second husband, a playwright. We were mostly women, seeking her wisdom, forming a circle in her miniature living room, blocking the way between the bedrooms and the kitchen; so that when Yehudit’s husband went to the kitchen for his carrot and apple juice, he had to cross through our circle, and while he slowly walked back and forth, the couple would hold hands for a tender moment, looking in each other’s eyes and smiling. We were all envious of their relationship, and took our turn to complain about the big and small crimes the men in our lives committed, from leaving dirty dishes in the sink to not commit to us in marriage.

Yehudit would smile knowingly, and say: “No matter whether the man in your life is the one you will spend the rest of your life with, give him all your love! If he turns out to be the one, you have already invested in the relationship; and if he is not the one, when the right man comes along, you will have practiced loving a man, and you will be ready for him!

Reiki: The Best Loved Healing Art

It caught like wild fire in the world, and it’s still spreading. In just a few decades, this particular type of energy balancing has become the number one healing art in the West.

The fast-paced, goal-oriented lifestyle of Westerners has shaped the way Eastern practices have been integrated in everyday life of popular culture. Spiritual practices have been adapted to fit busy schedules and adjusted to bring maximum results in minimum time and effort. Yoga has found its way in fitness centers; completely stripped of its contemplative side, and of its awareness of Prana, or energy, a flatland version of yoga has turned into the fitness of biology, completely ignoring the deeper aspects of the human being. That which in India means “Unity”, seeking to integrate body, mind and spirit in one harmonious posture, in the West became YogaFit: an intense one-hour of repetitive postures of the bodies, where minds are blasted with high-power music, and breath is rarely mentioned.

The Western flatlanders borrowed psycho-active plants, traditionally ingested under the supervision of experienced shamans with the intention of finding answers from within the depths of one’s psyche,  and turned those plants into hollow entertainment. Deprived of the deeper meaning to existence that traditional wisdom offers, the modern human is hungry for more than what the identification with the gross body can offer. Unaware of an inner light that creates, heals, inspires and guides one’s soul, mind and body, the meaning-deprived human desperately seeks external sources of distraction and gratification. And they better act fast, too.

So when Reiki arrived to North American land, it offered something new: a transmission of inner light that took no more than two days of training. In just one short weekend, an individual would access their inner light for their own well-being, as well as for sharing it with others. With no need for props or substances, the Reiki student would be now enabled to access an inner light so new to the modern mind, so glowing, healing and transforming, that it enchanted their soul and captivated their heart.

Reiki – meaning Spiritually Guided Life Force Energy – is taught in the same spirit as the Buddhist transmission ceremonies: a master transmits spiritual Presence to the student, enabling the student to experience expanded states of consciousness, which are useful in the process of awakening and self-realization. The ultimate goal of Japanese Buddhist practice is attaining Satori – enlightenment-, which is the realization of the true nature of Being. In the process of Reiki transmission, known as attunement, the Reiki Teaching Master attunes the student’s energy to the vibrations of this healing energy, opening the student’s Kundalini chakras, and activating the energy centers in their hands.

The Reiki attunement, often referred to as empowerment, has lasting effects in the student’s energy field, opening channels of creativity and intuition, often activating the student’s impulse to evolve. States of consciousness are glimpses into stages; often, the Reiki student experiences such peak states, that they then embark on a spiritual quest of turning those blissful glimpses into permanent stages of being. From aimless living and suffering, the Reiki student is often graced with the most valuable gift imaginable for humans: a life that has meaning and purpose.

This is my own personal story, which began when two days of Reiki transformed me beyond recognition, to the wonder of those who knew me well. And this is the story of many others I know, and I know of, and it is easy to understand why the Reiki healing art has conquered the world, and still continues to do so.

Shining Light on Darkness: How to Identify Shadow Elements of the Psyche

Traits, qualities, emotions, urges, impulses, and other aspects of the psyche are disowned when they are too much for the self to take in, process, or accept. Most of the repressing and suppressing takes place during childhood, when the child is too small, vulnerable, and unprepared to deal with the intensity of emotions or events it faces. In face of trauma, or any event that the child registered as traumatic (regardless of an objective gravity of events, since the psyche’s interpretation of events is entirely subjective) – the mind defends itself by encapsulating the memory or record of the occasion, and storing it below the radar of conscious mind. The self still has that trait, memory, quality, emotion etc, but it doesn’t know that it has it. The split-off part of the psyche gets a life of its own, outside of the cognition and the volition of the self.

And the self still is that, but now it doesn’t know it. Even the most aware, well-read, disciplined meditator will find it difficult to identify the Shadow parts in order to integrate them: you just don’t know what you don’t know; the self may have an emotional difficulty in accepting that they are that, which is why it disowned that to begin with; and this is something that self-inquiry simply won’t reveal.

So it takes some creativity and skill to zero in on the Shadow elements, and re-own them, but it can be done. Here are some clues that can help with identifying shadow elements. It is good to remember that these are voices of the mind, or parts of the ego; and ego in itself is not something bad, in spite of the reputation it received; a healthy ego, meaning a healthy sense of self, with clear boundaries, is important and necessary for fully functional living as a human being; and the human being must build and integrate a healthy ego before he or she transcends (and includes) it. In this light, no parts of the self are “bad”, and there is value in each trait, quality, emotion, impulse, urge etc. These parts “go bad” when they “go dark”, inside the Shadow.

To illustrate with an example, think of the critical mind: the inner Critic is that faculty of the mind that helps the self discern good from bad and right from wrong, rank value, make healthy and wholesome choices and so forth. The Critic places the ripe tomatoes in the shopping cart, instead of the green ones; and the Critic chooses kind, intelligent and reliable people for your friends, keeping the others away; the Critic corrects your letters before you send them and reviews your performance, pointing areas of growth, and hires your staff, and elects your leaders (hopefully.) There is absolutely nothing wrong with the Critic, unless it is disowned, and becomes Dark. Inside the Shadow, the Critic becomes destructive, deconstructing the self and others’ ideas and choices not for betterment, but in a dark, spiteful, or resentful way. Repressed, the Critic turns against the self, and becomes the harsh, self-destructive voice that can literally destroy the self. And the Critic stays that way until the moment when the self re-owns and integrates it. The difference is between the conscious Critic: valuable and useful, showing up when and as appropriate; and kindly, and between the unconscious Critic: dark, shadowy, destructive. The same is true with the Controller, the Protector, the Child, the Victim, the Skeptic and all the other voices of the mind, as well as with emotions, sexuality, and all impulses and urges.

So let us look at a few ways to identify Shadow elements:

• ·         The self’s language describes self’s actions in third person “it”: “Something [other than me] makes me want to eat late at night, or smoke or get drunk”; “I can’t stop these addictions [different than I am addicted].”

• ·         Functions and movements of the body occur outside of the self’s volition: incontinence, flatulence, involuntary shaking, twitching, shrugging, winking. Again: if it occurs outside of the self’s conscious volition, we’re looking at split-off parts of the self, suppressed emotions, repressed urges and impulses, etc.

• ·         The split-off parts of the self show up in second person “You” and third “it / he / she / they” person, and they trigger the self emotionally, with either aversion or craving: “I hate the way she is” or “I so admire her, I wish I were like her”.

• ·         The Shadow’s language is: “I am not like that” (You are like that, and he is like that, and the whole world is like that, but not me.) Anything that the self passionately deems itself not to be, it is; but he or she doesn’t know it. The more convincingly the self denies being like that, the clearer the pointing towards the Shadow is.

• ·         Intense emotional reaction to someone’s comment is a clear indicator of the Shadow, otherwise the comment would be received simply as a piece of information. If the self is scared of it, upset with it, or outraged by it, this fear, upset or outrage are fingers pointing at the Shadow elements. For example, if fear arises in the self triggered by the appearance of anger in a third person, then fear is an inauthentic emotion which points towards the authentic emotion, which is anger.

• ·         Dream characters are shadow elements, if their actions create an emotional response in the self. The self is the subject in the dream, while the characters are split-off parts of the self appearing as third person objects.

• ·         Physical and psychological symptoms are often expressions of the shadow elements. Approaches such as Focusing (Eugene Gendlin) and voice dialogue can reveal the split-off elements appearing as the symptom. Dialogue therapy is especially valuable in uncovering the Shadow behind pain, anxiety, extraneous body weight and other symptoms.

Allergies and Addictions

Ideally, every child, individual and society evolves through structural stages of development easily, smoothly, without any problem. If we use the chakra system to look at the evolution of consciousness, the movement occurs from the 1^st chakra, the Root, to the 2^nd, the Sacral, then to the 3^rd, the Solar Plexus, and so on.

Structure stages can be looked at as rungs on a ladder. Evolution occurs through enfoldment (transcendence and inclusion) of the junior stages. No stage can be skipped. You cannot evolve, say, from the food and survival focused Root chakra directly to the self and Power focused Solar Plexus, without evolving through the emotional sex focused Sacral chakra first. You can’t skip rungs. As consciousness evolves, it embraces the structure levels of the lower chakras. As the Self climbs the ladder, it keeps all the rungs below; what constantly changes at each rung, is the view. For example, even if someone has evolved to the Third Eye stage - the higher mind, vision-logic stage- they still eat, have the ability to have sex, connect with community, etc.

The process of evolving from one structure level (or stage: we use stages and levels interchangeably) to the next, consists of a healthy differentiation from the lower level, identification with the next level, and integration of the elements of the next level.

Let’s look at the Root chakra: food and survival. This is the stage of looking at the world and seeing it as food, made of things you can, or cannot eat. Identification with this stage finds expression through 1^st person statements: “I am hungry”. Evolution to the next stage involves a differentiation between the subject, “I”, and the object, “it”. The individual dis-identifies  with the lower level, which becomes the object, “it” (I am aware of hunger – “I” being the subject, and “hunger” being the object). The new, higher, level of development becomes the subject.

Because we don’t live in an ideal world (did you notice?), things don’t really unfold all that smoothly during the developmental processes: at each level of development something can go wrong. There are three ways in which problems can occur:

1 – Failure to fully differentiate from the previous stage, expressed as addictions

2 – Repression of elements from the previous stage, in other words, developing allergies to those elements, and

3 – The inability or unwillingness to move on to the next level, and becoming stuck at the present level, causing fixations on the current level.

The pathologies occurring at each level of development can appear as neurosis or psychosis. The material which is repressed, suppressed, or not fully integrated into the psyche of the Self, is disowned by the Self, stored in the shadow in the unconscious mind, and gets a life of its own. This means that the shadow elements are still part of the psyche, but they are banned from expressing themselves through the Self’s awareness. The Self ceases to access the disowned traits, emotions and impulses in 1^st person I and it first projects it upon the 2^nd  person you, then further estranges itself from them by objectifying the disowned parts into the 3^rd person: it. The self becomes fragmented, and problems start arising. It takes a vast amount of energy to maintain parts of the Self in the Shadow, under the radar of the conscious mind. A part of the Self’s energy is hijacked away from creative self-expression, and is engaged instead in maintaining the shadow…well, in the shadow.  

Disowned parts of the psyche, now banned from the awareness of Conscious Mind, develop a life and a mind of their own, and find alternative ways of expression: through symptoms of illness, through relationships, and finances. The cure is simple, and not always easy: the Self must re-own, embrace and integrate all the disowned parts of the psyche. Therapeutic intervention consists in facing the shadow elements, talking to it, and then become it.

Not all Shadow is dark: some traits, emotions, impulses and qualities are rated as unacceptable, and when disowned, they are referred to as The Dark Shadow. Other traits and qualities are admirable, but they haven’t been expressed yet by the Self. However, the Self is capable of recognizing these positive traits as they appear in 2^nd (you) and 3^rd  person (that great person over there, her, him, it or them.) This is referred to as the Golden Shadow, since it contains all your unfulfilled potential and possibilities.

Briefly put, everything that upsets you or attracts you in another, is yours as well, but you have disowned it. You can’t identify anger in another, if you don’t know what anger is within yourself. You cannot admire integrity in another, if you don’t have integrity, at least imminently (in potential), in yourself. The shadow elements are either imminent, or eminent. But the Self doesn’t see those elements in herself. Everybody else can see the disowned parts in the person, except the person herself.

Everything that the Self deems as “I am not like that, but others are” is part of your Shadow. Language such as: “I used to be like that, but not anymore”; “I could never do this or be that, like he does”; or “Such a pity I am not more like she is”, is fingers pointing towards the Shadow.

For example: the Self moves from an ego-centric, narcissistic, pre-conventional, self-absorbed stage of development, to an ethnocentric, conventional stage. At the conventional stage, the Self learns to adopt and follow societal conventions of right and wrong, and identifies itself with the group she or he is part of. If the Self has developed an allergy to elements from the pre-conventional stages, let’s say- personal care habits, he will become highly irritable with people who go to the Spa every week. A person at conventional level, who has an allergy to pre-conventional elements, could neglect, for example, taking care of their body in favor of taking care for their family. Or, a person who has not completely differentiated from the self-absorbed, narcissistic stage of development, might take an obsessive attitude towards self care, and, let’s say, sneak away from the family to the gym every single night of the week. Both examples show pathology: an unhealthy relationship with personal self-care, and they pose problems for the Self as well as for their relationships and environment.

The challenge is to accurately identify the shadow elements, and to successfully re-own them in healthy re-association, using appropriate therapy according to what went wrong and how, and at what level of development.

Resources: Ken Wilber: “Integral Spirituality”; “Integral Psychology”; (with Terry Patten, Adam Leonard and Marco Morelli) “Integral Life Practice”

Also, visit www.integrallife.com for further reading and listening. Or join us in Ottawa at www.ottawaintegrallife.com

Genuine Transformation

Transformation is more than just changing form. Mere changing of biology or psychology is not necessarily transformative. You can de-form something – changing an object’s natural form – but this does not bring that object to their next level of development.

To transform means to sequentially increase the complexity levels of, say, an object, in a unidirectional way. For example, matter transforms from atoms to molecules to cells to organisms in a unidirectional way. Cells never regress to become molecules again. But cells contain molecules, which contain atoms, and cells themselves are contained by the organism. Genuine transformation means the evolution of matter, biology, psychology and consciousness in general, in an enfolding (transcend and include) way, each time to a higher level of complexity, or if you will, depth.

A common mistake is to confuse the pre- and trans- of a developing object. “Let’s go back to be innocent like children or animals” or “Let’s return to the good old ways of living, when we rode horses and didn’t pollute the air with cars”. A two-year old child is pre-conscious. At this age, the child hasn’t yet developed a sense of self, let alone adopted mature moral values. He or she hasn’t yet learned conventions or learned to use reasoning for problem solving. You must first go through a rational stage of development, in order to access trans-rational information. You must first learn and enact social conventions before you question them, and become post- or trans-conventional. Just because a person isn’t at the conventional stage of moral development doesn’t make them post-conventional. The word ‘unconventional’ is greatly misleading in that it doesn’t tell you where in their evolution a person’s ethics are: the pre-conventional, self-absorbed stage of a child, or the post-conventional stage of someone who has transcended (and included!) social norms, rules and conventions. Returning to childhood consciousness is a regression, just as returning to an agrarian society is a regression from an industrial, or informational society. Regression, or stagnation makes an adult or a society childish, or immature, not to be confounded with a child-like healthy playfulness and curiosity.

Psychological development occurs with the ability and willingness to take on more and more perspectives, from the self-absorbed, egocentric “I”, to an ethno-centric or socio-centric “we” (which is necessarily embracing a “you”), to a world-centric “all of us”. The transformation occurs with the sustained practice of putting yourself in other people’s shoes. The more perspectives you take, the more depth your psyche has. This is not mere theory, but it’s the theory of a life practice that fuels the motives behind your actions. How many perspectives you are able and willing to take today dictates how many people, or sentient beings, you will care for through your actions today.

Remember, transformation is “transcend and include” – so caring for others more, doesn’t mean caring less for yourself. It’s adding more, not reducing. You care for yourself, and for more than your self.

Translative versus Transformative

Translative Vs. Transformative 

Two major distinctions in therapy

One major way to cope with adversity is translative practice: giving a new and different meaning to what’s happening to you. This practice has value to the extent that it helps see things in a sweeter light. When someone is ill, or there is loss of life or love or major devastation, part of the human suffering is not making sense of it all. Re-framing the story around the pain and suffering makes it easier to swallow.

But it doesn’t really change your worldviews. Genuine change stems from transformative practices. Transformation means transcendence, or evolving beyond who you are now, to the next level. You know you have been evolving when you have expanded in your capacity to care for more beings than before, or when any of your lines of intelligence (cognitive, emotional, social, moral, spiritual, aesthetic, psycho-sexual, kinesthetic, artistic etc) is at a higher level than before. You also evolve with the skills you acquire.

Translative therapies or practices do not require that you change. You can stay the same as you are, but change the story you are telling yourself about events. Genuine transformation requires taking some kind of action, like, for instance, the practice of taking more and more perspectives.

The good news is that transcending the self to the next level is there to stay, and no-one can take it away from you. Stages, or levels of development are like structure floors in a building: they build on each other, and once you’re there, you’ve earned it, and it’s yours.

Integral Prayer

Dear God,

Dear Divine Father and Mother: don’t let me sink into despair and depression. Don’t let me live aimlessly, hopelessly, like that. Let there be purpose and meaning to this life. Let there be healing to this soul and heart so that Light, joy, exuberance and meaning can exist.

Dear sweet, beloved Divine Father and Mother, You are a merciful, kind God. You are infinite, eternal Wisdom and Love. Please, listen to my prayer. Dear God, please, let my soul heal, so I can live with joy. Please dear God, liberate me from the prisons of the unhealthy ego. With your infinite and eternal wisdom and loving kindness, dear beloved God, grant me Freedom – the freedom to live fully, to be fully human!

Please, dear, sweet, beloved, awesome Creator, Mother-Father-All-That-IS, let the walls of resistance and pain around my heart melt down and away, and let this heart open wide, so I can experience more and more of your infinite, eternal loving kindness. So that I can express more and more love in the world. Let all that pain, all that old pain, transform and transmute into something good and useful for myself and others.

May this structure, this body, allow for growth and awakening.  May this body-mind be a clear, pure, resilient, strong vessel for the Divine Light – for your Wisdom and Love, dear God. Please, dear God, let this body-mind and Soul heal, so that I can experience more and more your magnificence, and express it more and more in the world.

Sweet, beloved, God: you are Infinite and Eternal, Always Already. Your Wisdom and Love are infinite and eternal. You Are Omnipresent and Omniscient. You are Omnipotent. No job or task or request is too small or too big for You. With your Infinite Wisdom and Loving Kindness, Dear God, please, may my living conditions transform, to allow for healthy growth, for awakening and enlightenment, for prosperity and for thriving, and for living freely, fully and joyfully. Let all the structures in my existence support health, thriving, freedom and fullness. Let me live joyfully, dear God. Let me live, love, work, play and serve You and Your World joyfully. Let me thrive.

Dear sweet Beloved God, don’t let me contract into ego. Let me build a healthy ego, and transcend – and include it. Don’t let me contract and separate from you and from All. Let me expand and awaken to the Truth – and the Beauty and the Goodness. Let me express Beauty, Goodness and Truth in this and every moment.

May all the thoughts that I allow or harbour, may all the words that I utter or write, and may all my choices and actions be auspicious- beautiful, good and true. Don’t let me fall into the temptations of the unhealthy ego, or stay trapped within the walls of past conditioning. Please, dear Divine Father and Mother, listen to me, to my prayer, have mercy on me, hear my prayer: let me overcome all past conditioning, heal all the wounds of this body-mind and Soul, and of past lives and of generations, and let me grow. Let me evolve healthily, integrally, and let me awaken.

May I be blessed with your brightest Blessings, dear Divine Mother and Father. And may I thrive and prosper joyfully within the healthy structures of body-mind, home, workplace and relationships. And may I share my blessings with others. May I share my joy, freedom, fullness, prosperity, wisdom and love with others. May I share my merits with others.

Dear beloved God, let me be a pure, clear, strong and resilient vessel for your blessings in the world. Let me embody your qualities of wisdom, loving kindness, playful creativity and joy in the world – and let me do this with skill, and generously. Let me bring your infinite, eternal Light everywhere I go. Let me touch all people, all beings, with your Divine Presence. Let me be a transparent vessel for your Divine Presence, dear God.

Shine your Light on my path, dear beloved Divine Mother-Father-All-That-Is, and take me by the hand, step-by-step, in this, and every moment. Guide me, protect me, nourish me, inspire me. Don’t let me stray, contract or forget. Don’t let me indulge in self-pity or blame. Walk with me and let me walk with you, as You, as the ultimate truth that I Am.

May it be so now and always, here and everywhere, for myself, for the World that I am part of, and for All.

I thank you. I love you. Amen.